Thursday, January 19, 2012
I'm Just a Housewife
I am not an artist. I am not a chef. I am not a nurse or an engineer or a florist or a pilot. I don't even know how to use a stenograph or what it is. I'm just a housewife. I have a sexy man and a bunch of cute kids. It's what I do. I do it from the sun's rising until it sets. I do it with love and a little resentment. Sometimes there's joy and sometimes it's more like bitter obligation. I feel useful and grateful, and I also feel used and invisible. I love my life and feel so lucky that I get to live it, but I also wonder sometimes what else I might have done and if it would have made me feel more significant in this great big world. Mostly, I'm probably a lot like you.
Its been almost 13 years since I started this job. I have four kids and I attempt to homeschool them. Many days I attempt to like them first, and then we try to get to the grammar. I have struggled to find my way through the dirty floors, the piles of crap everywhere (sometimes literally), the morning sickness, the 3:00am pukings followed by the 5:45 wake-up calls. Tried so hard to "be fulfilled” by the unrelenting call to sacrifice my own wants and needs in order to meet theirs, and then do my best to survive the crushing guilt about what a terrible mother it makes me that see it that way. The truth is, the only thing I have learned is that the key to freedom is rarely found by working harder every day to maintain the immovable standard of perfection. Freedom, is usually found in surrender. And for me, what measure of freedom I have found in this job all started with the laundry. I will tell you that story for sure, but until then, suffice it to say, that it was an epic situation and the only answer was to come to terms with some stuff, to tell the truth, and to come up with a new system. From the laundry was born a whole new way to approach house keeping and it has, quite literally, changed my life.
I have this amazing sister-in-law who thinks I'm great (I'm not sure why, but everyone should get one of those. It feels nice). She has been trying to get me to write a book or start a blog forever and then the other day she posted some of my ideas on her blog (which is amazing but the way and when I learn how I will guide you there)--mostly about this laundry system I speak of--and I was a little surprised by how many people responded to it. It may have been the push I needed. She's good for that too. I've been trying to buy "The Twilight Zone--The Complete Definitive Collection" DVD set at Costco for like 3 years and this year she was like "we're doing it", so I was like "oh yeah, I'm doing it". So we enjoyed Rod Serling over New Years without commercials. It was great. Also, I have at least 7 pairs of shoes I never would have bought if it weren't for her, but I digress. Anyway she tells me that I should write some stuff down, you know, for posterity. I love talking shop over coffee and I don't enjoy writing, so I'm hoping that this is the way to get some thoughts down and still be lazy with my mind:) The great thing is, unlike at a cocktail party, you can just go away. You don't have to listen to me and I will never know! So in summary (see those writing skills at work?), I have nothing to offer but lots to say, and I come from a place of no credibility. Seems like a blog is perfect.